Ms. Independent

Growing up I heard songs like “I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T do you know what that means” and “all the women who independent, throw yo hands up at meeeee” and thought that was the goal. All men wanted an independent woman, and all women strived to be just that. In actuality, I hate it here and I don’t want to be independent anymore!

Being independent is not fun, nor is it easy. It’s stressful, exhausting, hard, and then some. However, in order to get things accomplished, I push myself to go above and beyond and get it done on my own. My ex actually complained that I was too independent. I had never heard of such and really brushed it off thinking he should be happy he had an independent woman like me. I didn’t know it at the time, but being overly independent is actually a trauma response.

For me it could go several ways. I’ve always struggled with the feeling of inadequacy- not being enough. Therefore I do a million things to say I did it and giving myself “worth”. It could also be trust issues from being let down by those I thought I could depend on. Or it could be the fact that I was raised by a single mom that had no choice but to do it all by herself so that’s just what I’m used to. Perhaps even daddy issues, or simply the lack of guidance on how to be interdependent. I could continue going and digging deeper, but I think you get the picture.

I said all that to say we actually hate being independent, we just feel like we have to be so that things get done and done correctly. So many women long for a partner that makes them feel safe enough to submit and want have a happy, successful interdependent relationship with. I don’t want to be Ms. Independent anymore, interdependence is the real goal.